A picture is for the shadchan to help him/her remember who you are, and what you are looking for.  Your picture will only be forwarded to a family, with your permission.  In either case, it’s best to submit a flattering photo of yourself (just you, not overly cropped).

Your name, birthdate, height, and contact information (personal cell phone and email, or family member’s cell phone and email)

Parents’ information (including occupations, mother’s maiden name)

Siblings’ information 

Mechutonim (in-laws)

Family shul and Rav with contact information 

Education (past and present schooling, degrees/certifications)

Work experience (current job, previous jobs-including summer, volunteer positions)

Family references and personal references (more than 2 per category, in case some are unavailable).

There are different opinions as far as a “personal statement”.  A helpful suggestion would be to write up a short statement of who you are and what you are looking for, and include it with your resume and picture on a separate document. 

Something minor, like changing the font color of your name, or sprinkling in the use of bold or underline, can get your resume to stand out.  Having a structured, neat looking resume certainly helps as well.  Keep it simple.

It’s important to choose references who know you and/or your family well, and will give over information in an articulate, positive way.  Those that know you should also be well informed about what you are looking for in a shidduch.  Please make sure that your references are up to date on your information, for as long as they remain on your resume.  We also recommend that you inform references that they are on your resume, so they know to be accessible when they receive calls from random area codes.

Shadchanim usually piece together who you are based on that short resume and interview.  Therefore, many people find it helpful to write down important details about themselves and what they are looking for, to bring along with them to an interview with a shadchan.  Knowing how to clearly describe this information to someone in a few minutes, can be beneficial to them and to you.  Additionally, sending a separate document with a description of who you are and what you are looking for with your resume, is a useful reference for shadchanim when trying to think of ideas for you.

That number is different for everyone.  Ultimately, Hashem is your only shadchan.  All it takes to make a shidduch is one right 

messenger to suggest one right shidduch.  However, because we don’t know who that messenger will be, it’s important to utilize whatever opportunities and resources you have around you, and remain open to suggestions even from “unlikely” sources.

Following up with shadchanim is important.  First and foremost, it’s important to take someone’s contact info if they suggest a shidduch for you.  This way, you can contact them in case they forget to follow up.  Additionally, you should try to follow up with shadchanim you meet.  This can mean something simple, like sending regards via email before yomtov.  Sending a note or small token of thanks even when a shidduch doesn’t work, is a nice way to show appreciation, in addition to helping you stay on their mind.

Updating your resume every few months is usually beneficial.  In the event that a few months have gone by without a suggestion, it sometimes helps to edit your resume a bit (i.e. changing a picture, adding or subtracting information, checking to make sure your references are able to be reached and that they know what you are looking for, etc.).  Emailing your resume to shadchanim that you have previously met, and to DSI, can also be a good way to get the ball rolling, and give someone the reminder/opportunity to think of an idea for you.

Usually, 2 to 3 days from the time you are given a boy’s resume would be a good time to get back to the shadchan with a yes or no.  Sometimes waiting longer causes circumstances to change (for ex. a different girl the boy previously agreed to go out with will come back with a yes), resulting in a missed opportunity.  If the shidduch is not for you, let the shadchan know why.  This way he/she will have a better sense of what kind of shidduch to suggest for you in the future.

Call the shadchan right away.  They can help get those references to call back, and/or get you additional references.

Enough to make you comfortable with the information you receive, and to get your questions answered.

Finding out information that’s important to you before you go out, can save both parties a lot of time and/or heartache that might occur afterwards.  In addition, the later you wait to call references, the more awkward the process becomes.  Once the dating process has started, the boy will be more likely to find out that you called his references and what questions or concerns you are having. 

Figuring out what is most important to you in a shidduch is paramout.  Try to ask questions that will help you find out if this suggestion has the right qualities and is in the framework of what you are looking for.  Keep in mind that many qualities (for ex. looks, personality) are relative, and subjective to the person you are asking.  Requesting specific examples that showcase the middos or qualities of the person, would be a more helpful use of the reference process.

Navigating dating can be challenging for many people.  Having an objective person to help you through the process with your best interests in mind, can be vital in dating.  In addition to providing you with a listening ear, a dating coach/mentor can provide support for common anxieties and clarity for important decision making.  He/she can help you reach a place of “menuchas hanefesh” to date smoothly and effectively.  For a list of local coaches/mentors, professional or part of the community, please email Detroitshidduchinitiative@gmail.com.

Navigating dating can be challenging for many people.  Having an objective person to help you through the process with your best interests in mind, can be vital in dating.  In addition to providing you with a listening ear, a dating coach/mentor can provide support for common anxieties and clarity for important decision making.  He/she can help you reach a place of “menuchas hanefesh” to date smoothly and effectively.  For a list of local coaches/mentors, professional or part of the community, please email Detroitshidduchinitiative@gmail.com.

Anyone who can remain objective and hear what YOU are saying and want what is best for you, can be a coach/mentor, as long as they are giving you the tools and clarity to help you make an individualized decision.  It’s important for you to find the right fit.

The majority of shadchanim say yes.  (i.e. If a boy has a suggested that is local and one that requires traveling, it is always easier not to travel.)  However, once the process begins, there can become good reason to travel back and forth, and some sort of balanced approach can usually be arranged.  If you plan to travel (especially to the east coast), it’s helpful to inform a shadchan so that you can make the most of your trip, by having a date set up, or by meeting with a shadchan.

Getting back to the shadchan after a date in a timely fashion, is vital to the shidduch process.  Firstly, it sends the message that you care about the other party’s feelings (no one likes to wait for an answer).  Second, keeping the shadchan in the loop allows for smoother dating.  Sometimes the shadchan can help validate or refute your hesitations and give you more clarity.  Other times, a dating coach/mentor may be necessary to help you make the right decision.  In any case, if you need more time to decide whether to continue with the shidduch, you should inform your shadchan ASAP that you need some more time to think it over.  A shadchan who remains in the dark, is unhelpful to everyone.

DSI is here to help you with whatever shidduch needs you may have.  We network with other cities, initiatives, and community members, and have helped facilitate dating opportunities in many ways.  DSI is a shidduch resource that is available to everyone in whatever capacity they may need.  Meeting with our coordinator, or being in touch with the DSI office, can open many doors and opportunities for you.  

Please feel free to email your questions, ideas, or suggestions, to Detroitshidduchinitiative@gmail.com, or call us at 248-915-2159.  Your email address and voicemail will remain confidential, and will be returned as promptly as possible.